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Like the late Rev OJ Simpson ... - Triumvirate of love, hate and herpes. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Jowell Skiffington

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Like the late Rev OJ Simpson ... [Aug. 19th, 2004|06:44 am]
Jowell Skiffington
[music |Lacuna Coil - Comalies]

  I'm as prolific as one gets. Give me a cheating wife, a glove, a white bronco and a mad bag o' moneyz, and I'll give you the trial of the century. When life gives you lemons, make eyeball lemonade is how the ol quote goes and by golly, I'm going to try my best to abide by all interpretations of the word.

  Today is starting off pretty normal. Just hanging out in my lush crib, or pad, or bonehouse or whatever you want to refer to your living quarters as, listening to a intense round of NPR when all of a sudden, it struck me! NPR is for Martha Stewart acolytes and homosexibles. So I continued listening considering I can't get enough of M.S.. Her sheet layouts are just so keen and distinguished and well, her insider stock info helps keep me on top of things. "Make free money and dodge taxes" was my dad's motto and even though he died at the hands of Captain Blackbeard(owner of the gay bar "Thar he blows") he was still a good man. Not the land lubber those flamboyant pirates tried to tell me he was. Alas, a pirates life is not for me.

  Speaking of pirates, I decided in the course of 13 seconds that I'm going to be one. I was playing Yohoho puzzle pirates and you know what? I rock at swindling and downright swashbuckling and if all I have to do to beat someone up with a sword is play them at puzzle fighter, then I take back all previous notions stated about pirates. Seriously, I can smell the booty on the open seas already ...

  I'm back from being a pirate, I'm level like, 2000 now and I kind of rule. My swashbuckerness skill is at 800 and well, let's just call me the Cary Elwes version of Rico Suave, k? Anyways, I'm off to get more numbers for my full, rich life that is in no way monotonous. No sir, not repetetive in the least. Sir, this life, right here. FULL! Not an empty shallow husk of what may resemble one of those old Thanksgiving cornucopia's but with no fruits and breads inside of it. THAT WOULD BE A FUCKING SHAME.

p.s. By the way, I just hit level 2001 and well, I just got a new perk, KAMA SUTRA so if any ladies or any guys who resemble Bea Arthur want to hook up, give me a message. My aim is "FUCKINGHOTSEXYPIRATEMANWOMANCHILDBABYWHATEVER2004" and well, I'll show you how to plunder some mad loot.